I was lying on the couch staring at the coffee table not really thinking anything. I was angry that I was so miserable after feeling indifferent at best for the past week. This mind is my enemy and it quickly pulls me back into darkness just when I'm seeing the light.

We went out for dinner with my aunt and cousin. I ate french fries. They were disgusting but I mechanically passed them through my lips, which subsequently became dry, irritated and sore from the salt. I hate that burning sensation that makes you bite your lips until they bleed and there is still no relief.

I sat mute as usual as everyone talked about their jobs. And I don't have a job so I played with the ketchup, and added more salt to my fries. The restaurant was fairly empty as we went around 5 o'clock, so there were only a few elderly people for me to observe.

Driving on the highway back home, I stare at the blinking white lines passing under me. We pass the lake of black water and it looks cold. I want to dive in, even in its polluted state. The lake is lined with evergreens that hold still, oblivious to the speeding cars and trucks, but sucking in the exhaust. Breathing, I am exhausted.

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